NWO/NWO-I celebrates Coming Out Day 2024

Coming Out Day was first celebrated at the end of the eighties on the other side of the Atlantic based on the idea that visibility increases acceptance: when your favourite uncle comes out of the closet, you no longer associate homosexuality with something unpleasant that has nothing to do with you, but with this favourite uncle. It may also encourage your aunt to break the taboo about her sexuality as she finally has a role model. Everyone happy, while the marriage of your uncle and aunt has just become a bit more complicated.

Despite the fact that normalisation and role models are important for the emancipation of LGBs and also TIQA+s*, I think it would be better to leave the closet behind us once and for all. Not because we are done with emancipation, which is not the case as I argued in my column last year, but because it is now working against us.

*LGBTIQA+: lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer and asexual. The 'plus' represents other sexual identities, including pansexual and Two-Spirit.

This is because the whole idea of coming out of the closet creates an unnecessary dividing line between two groups. It is expected that gays and lesbians come out of the closet. Bisexuals too, if they are practising. And what about heterosexuals? No, not them. Clear so far. But what is expected of the group between these extremes? Pansexual, asexual, polyamorous, intersex, a bisexual guy with a girlfriend, non-binary, or your girlfriend who, after one too many, kisses another woman? Should they also come out of the closet? It is still fairly arbitrary on which side of the dividing line you stand, and the dividing line itself upholds a binary world view that doesn’t do justice to the different forms of love that are possible and beautiful. 

I, myself, came out of the closet when I was about 17, I think. I don’t remember the exact moment, but it was summer. First, I told a friend who I was secretly a little bit in love with and then I told my mother. A bit later my father had to be told too, the morning before I set out to visit Amsterdam Pride. I can still remember the reactions, and also the tension I felt. But at the time I didn’t realise that 'coming out of the closet' would became a recurring activity. And this wasn’t something I wanted either as I’m more than 'the gay', aren’t I? So when I meet new people, I sometimes behave extra gay to make clear which side of the dividing line I'm on, so that this elephant is out of the room and we can talk about other subjects. But at a certain point you do start to believe in the caricature you have made of yourself: I’m gay so I better act like one. So you’re just out of the closet and then you pigeonhole yourself again to keep things clear for everyone. Back to square one.

Instead of dividing everything into two groups, it would be much nicer, more realistic, and more comfortable to rub out the dividing line. This creates space for all forms of love and removes a strange kind of obligation from people who have been placed in the closet. It’s time to lock the closet behind us once and for all, after we have checked that we haven’t left anyone behind in it. Everyone happy, and it is just your world view that has become a bit more complicated.

About this column and Coming Out Day 2024 at NWO/NWO-I

NWO/NWO-I will celebrate Coming Out Day this year by flying the rainbow flag at all NWO Institutes and the offices in Utrecht and The Hague. As a follow-up to his column last year, NWO-I colleague David van Walderveen wrote another personal column for NWO/NWO-I about Coming Out Day.

ERG LGBTIQA+ Prism

NWO/NWO-I have different Employee Resource Groups (ERGs). These are voluntary, employee-led groups, which, together with the organisation where they work, aim to foster a diverse, inclusive workplace. The ERG LGBTIQA+ is called 'Prism' and has the goal to create a space for active members of the LGBTIQA+ community working at NWO and NWO-I. LGBTIQA+ stands for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, queer and asexual. The “plus” represents other sexual identities, including pansexual and Two-Spirit. As a relatively young group, we want to establish an internal platform where we can all feel accepted and where we can discuss issues that we think are important. You will find more information about the ERG LGBTIQA+ Prism on the NWO-I website.